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Personal, Travel

2017 Year Review

Hello, all! And  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Welcome, 2018!

I started 2017 in Tampa picturing my future entirely different than I do now as I finish it in Ruidoso, New Mexico. In 2017, as cheesy as it sounds, I loved and I lost. I broke my first bone. I spent more time in airplanes than in my own home. But none of that even matters anymore- none of it. I also explored more of this beautiful world. I met remarkable people. Amazing friendships became even stronger. I spent joyous holidays with my wonderful family. There is a never-ending abundance of happiness that occurred in 2017 and happiness will always be the most important thing to me. Happiness prevailed in 2017. So as I begin to picture another new year my desire to be a better person, a more honest person, and an eternally hopeful person continues to flourish. Along with that, my desire to explore this world only continues to grow.  I hope 2018 is a year of constant travel, growth, and progress. Most importantly, I hope that 2018 is full of happiness, even among hard times (because there will be). I pray happiness continues to prevail in 2018.

One of my favorite parts of the end of year is, of course, reminiscing on the travels and highlights that occurred throughout. Since flying is my job, I can’t picture the number of planes I have been on this year, but I reckon it is a high amount. As much of a roller coaster this year was every single destination I got to explore has helped make this year special. More importantly, every person, place, moment I have had the opportunity to encounter has helped heal me. To be able to say that, I am forever grateful for this year.

I revisited many familiar locations in 2017: Honolulu, Tbilisi, NYC, Tokyo. This year was also full of many firsts for me: Rota, Spain, Washington D.C., Turin, Italy, Metz, France, Dubai, UAE. Of course, as special as every place is to me there are a few key highlights of 2017 that I will hold fondly in my heart and memories. They are moments that comforted me, challenged me, and inspired me (not in any order). (Note: Yall have seen these photos and read about these trips before- sorry!)

1) Hiking Diamond Head and exploring Idar Oberstein, Germany with Per Clausen.

The destinations were amazing, but the company was the most memorable part. Therefor, a huge highlight of this year was getting to know and travel with Per. He is a superb human being with a genuine heart and a contagious smile. I got extremely lucky that crew scheduling put us together for a couple weeks of flying and adventuring. With our daily coffee dates and financial conversations, I always felt happy in his presence. Per made every destination even more memorable. I miss you always, Per!

2) Swimming with whale sharks in Cabo, Mexico.

This has always been high on my bucket list and it finally happened in 2017! We had to swim quite rapidly to keep up with the gentle creatures but my favorite moment is sitting on the deck of the boat and watching them peacefully swim right by me. This was one of the first moments this year that helped push me into realizing my love of environmental management and conservation. I hope one day to re-experience this in clearer water!

3) Sorrento, Capri, Taormina, Italy

Pretty much any layover that gets me in a swimsuit is automatically a favorite of mine. There is just something special about the Italian coast and its islands. I was at a different emotional level on all three of these layovers but I still only remember them for being full of sunshine, friends, and champagne (so how could I be upset about anything else?)

4) Moving to The Heights in Houston

Moving to my own apartment with Analeise was definitely a huge accomplishment for me. Finally I could walk around comfortably in my own home and suddenly I looked forward to coming home after a long trip. Most importantly I needed a change from the place my life was in in June. So I packed up and made a change. There really is a big difference from living in Humble (near the airport) to being more centered in Houston. After two years of living in Houston I get to explore easily, go out, and make friends. Woah.

5) Tulum, Mexico

I’ve written about what Tulum meant to me before. It was right after my breakup so you can imagine that I needed distance and fun more than anything. This was also Analeise’s and my first trip as the dynamic travel duo that we are now. Snorkeling with sea turtles and manta rays will forever be a memory ingrained in my heart. (Also the second push that is helping me realize future career goals!)

6) Budapest, Hungary

Budapest surprised me more than any location this year. How could one city be this remarkable? From the architecture to the nightlife to the scenery and landscape…I couldn’t believe I found a place that had it all (for me). I’m certainly going back and exploring more of Hungary as soon as I get a chance (maybe for my 25th?!).

7) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

This was one of those layovers that reminded me how much I love the charter flying kind of lifestyle. I never would have thought I’d end up in Malaysia and one day I just…did. From taking selfies with cute monkeys to chasing waterfalls and running away from scary monkeys, Malaysia left me wanting more. 

8) Cusco and Lima, Peru

Yall already know what Peru meant to me. This was my number one travel bucket list item for 2017 and I made it happen. I made it happen despite heartache and despite frustration. That’s all I will say about Peru. I made it happen. (Also just scroll down a little for the full three part posts!)

9) Broke a hand and coincidentally got the holidays at home

*I don’t recommend this in the scenario you want holidays off of work. Being a flight attendant I always worry about getting the days off of work so I can spend time with my family for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. So even though this was a painful experience it was made easier by coincidentally falling on the latter part of the year. Maybe this was the Universe’s way of telling me I needed to spend more time at home?! Either way I listened!

10) Fall out boy concert

I feel like this is the night my year completely turned around. I felt confident again. I felt happy again. Celebrating Analeise’s birthday with dinner, a freaking awesome concert, and a night out on the town was the jump start my life needed again. Coincidentally also the night I met Kevin- Hi, Kevin!

11) Ruidoso, New Mexico

And alas, the last key highlight of 2017. Now. Here. In this cozy two story cabin with my family while WonderWoman plays on DVD. It is half an hour till 2018. We have skiied, hiked, gambled, and played in sand on our family vacation. We will eat our 12 grapes and make our list of intentions for the new year. Then we will wake up tomorrow to our last full day here. What a phenomenal start to another year of life. 

Other happy times: Tokyo Disney, Dubai, first wake boarding experience, Aggie football game, first Diego turn, Mandy’s grad school graduation, etc.

 

 

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I don’t know what 2018 will bring. I do know that whatever it is, I can handle it. I know now that I am strong enough, I am brave enough, I am confident enough, I am hopeful enough to handle anything that comes my way. Before anything else, I know I have the support system in my life that will help guide me whenever I am lost.

Finally, I am thankful for this platform that allows me to express all of my silly thoughts and fun travel experiences. I am thankful for you for taking time out of your day to read this. And I hope you continue to join me on this journey.

Happy 2018, friends!

-Mary Anna

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Personal

2017 Summary Part 1

AKA the hardest, most emotional year of my 24 years. When I envisioned the end of this year, I would have never guessed I would be where I am now. Lately I’ve caught myself laughing and saying, “thank God it’s almost over!” Sometimes I feel as if I am actually willing this year to finish faster. I replay the rough moments in my head not as a way to torture myself but as a way to reflect on what I am most proud of: that not only did I make it to the end of this year, but that my heart is intact and my spirit is alive. I am once again so cheerily hopeful about the future.

If you know me or have read some of my posts before then you know this is a big deal to me. I spent the first half of the year fighting to keep alive something that had no chance of recovery. The other chunk of time I spent in denial, feeding this toxicity as if an addiction. Then some other stuff happened like having to move out of my house and then breaking my wrist. Point is, emotionally this year was challenging. Mentally…it was devastating. Well, almost devastating. Because what I am trying to explain is that yes, this has been the hardest year of my life, but 1) I survived it and 2) in reality, a breakup (although as serious as thinking it was the “one”), being kicked out, and breaking a bone were my 2017 hardships. And I am lucky to say that. So if I’m being truthful, yes, this year sucked, but no, it wasn’t nearly as hard in retrospect as I truly thought it was while going through these things. At the time, everything was compromised: my body, my spirit, my health. So I have to ask myself: am I healthy right now as I type this? Yes. Am I whole right now as I type this? Yes. And am I constantly healing, even now as I type this? You’re darn sure I am.

So in a nutshell, it took me 12 months and a few days to finally realize and accept that not only did I survive this year, but I flourished. I am flourishing. I am stronger than ever before and that means all the crummy times in 2017 were somehow…worth it. So worth it.

So what have I learned this year? Well here are just a few things:

1) Date someone kind. Someone who remains kind over time. Someone with a kind heart. When they are no longer kind, leave. You deserve someone kind.

2) Never underestimate how important a good friend, a kickass, empowering movie, and venting are for the soul. (when I told Analeise about everything she took me to see Wonder Woman and it was the best thing for me)

3) As much as relationships are incredible, don’t lose yourself in them. Those goals you want to attain need to come first or you will always think, “what if?” The right person will help build you up and help you reach those goals. They need to be your number one fan, too.

4) When all else fails, get some perspective. For me it was snorkeling with manta rays in Tulum and hiking up mountains in Peru. You will see there is a world outside of heartache.

5) A support system will help move mountains. Trust in the process, trust in the Universe and that it knows what It’s doing, and trust in those around you. Don’t lose that trust that makes you kind.

6) Cry and scream if you need to, but never ever ever lose your faith, whatever it may be. This is all happening for a reason. (I truly believe this)

7) Move on when it’s time. Forgive, not for them, but for yourself, because you need it. Because it is what’s right.

8) One day, without even realizing it, you will be free again.

And you will care for someone again. And they will be kind. And you will once again be kind.

What I consider a really hell-ish year was made so much better because of people like my parents and sisters, Analeise, Edmar, Charlie, Kris, Laura, Sarah, Bubba, Brianda and everyone who let me vent, traveled with me, or just cheered my well-being on.

Like I said, a support system will move mountains and in 2017 it helped me move on from my biggest one.

Until next time, friends

(Which will be a lot happier of a post because it’s about my 2017 travels! Yay)

-Mary Anna

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Personal

From Go-Go to No-Go

23631954_10209781017193232_898772676819301510_oBefore I tripped and broke my wrist I was constant go-go-go. After Peru I went back to work for a couple weeks and the day I landed back in Houston I hurried to take off on another flight to St. Louis to attend a wedding and begin a Northeast road-trip. My apartment was an expensive storage unit, I hadn’t been home to South Texas since Easter, and I never really took any sort of breather from traveling. Now, that lifestyle may sound exciting and for some, desiring. I constantly hear from others how lucky I am to live a life where I get to travel for and outside of my job.. Trust me, I know and I thank goodness everyday because travel is a main priority in my life. But I didn’t realize how it suddenly was the only priority in my life until I tripped on a- would you believe it- surprise suitcase.

Breaking my wrist hurt- obviously. However, the physical pain was manageable; it was the emotional struggle to adjust that was actually the most painful for me. You see, my life and my lifestyle is fueled by my want- my need– to travel, to keep moving, to explore further. I used to beg my parents to buy me maps, atlases, and National Geographic magazines every chance I could because in my mind, I was already somewhere else. I was already there (wherever there was). So for the past two and a half years of being a flight attendant I have been there many, many, many more times than I was here, in my own home, with my family, with my pets: Home. I know this is a part of growing up; you move away, you get busy, you take a break for the holidays, but I didn’t even spend time in my own apartment in Houston. I was just always gone.

Well, then I fell and instinctively tried to stop myself by placing out my arm. Here’s my most helpful tip to a fall- don’t do that. A couple of loud pops, a trip to the Urgent Care, and a cast later. I have officially been land stuck for six weeks. It doesn’t sound like much, but it has changed everything for me. I’ll briefly admit what the hardest parts have been: not being able to do my own hair, not being able to drive, not having public transportation/Ubers available in South Texas, having to ask for help with everything, and yes, not being able to travel like I used to. Now, instead of continuing to write about how this break was difficult, I’m going to write about how it is the best thing that could have happened. Because we all get it at this point: girl loves to travel, girl can’t travel, girl struggles to adjust, girl gets sad. But what I now focus on is so much sweeter and so much more positive.

I get to go to Church with my parents every Saturday at 4 o’clock where the Priest plays his country music and lets his dogs walk around during mass. I get to see Brianda for our traditional date of coffee/Wingstop and Target and we get to have serious conversations in person instead of just through text. I got the chance to celebrate my father’s birthday. I got to spend time in my own apartment where I finally put up the shelves that were sitting on my floor for weeks. I got to finally have a life in Houston for more than a day. And because I am a cat mom, I get the chance to actually be a cat mom again. Just today, which inspired me to take this post in this direction, I got to enjoy a delicious barbecue with my family in the chilly afternoon air as we talked about past family vacations and planned our next one. I got to witness a hummingbird hover nearby so close to me. I got to see my mom decorate the Christmas tree. There are so many truly beautiful moments that I have been fortunate to be apart of that I wouldn’t have been able to if it wasn’t for my broken wrist.

So yes, I could be grumpy about being hurt- I mean, rightfully so- it does hurt- but I can also be thankful that I now get to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, that I have a family that loves me, and that I have the resources to depend on during this time. I have to understand that the Universe intervened for some reason. Maybe something bad was going to happen to me, maybe the constant go-go-go was going to make me sick, maybe this is just the world saying that I needed to take a step back and reevaluate what’s truly important to me. Travel will be there for me when I recover, work will still be there for me, but what I blindly needed, was to be here. Here. 

From Go-Go to No-Go. As I continue to recover (I can finally type with both hands although painfully), I can almost be thankful for that surprise suitcase for giving me what I needed most in the world: the no-go for awhile.

But seriously, did the Universe have to intervene so painfully?!

See you soon, world.

-Mary Anna

Casty, aka Stumpy, aka Captain Hook- you will not be missed.

Free hands!

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Personal, Writing

A Personal Post

I have always aimed to be a truthful writer. For the most part, I’m a pretty open book in general. So lately I have been forced to face some hard, true facts about myself and where I am in life currently. As much as I enjoy this blog being focused on travel and my adventures, (un)fortunately that isn’t all my life is. So below is probably one of the most personal posts I have ever written. I have opened up my heart to you, including my fears and including the heartache.

Mainly, I have finally opened up my heart to myself again- it was about time.

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My mother has always said that I am too trusting for my own good.

-Hell yes, I’ll do that spontaneous thing with you even though I don’t know you well (or at all).

-I would love to visit you, even though we only met briefly that one time.

-Why, yes, let me tell you my life story because I trust you already.

I still proudly claim to be as (smartly) trusting of others because I want to believe in the good of the world so incredibly badly. So then why is it that suddenly I assume the worst out of others before I see the good?

It is an overly-used, still truthful, thing to say that you “have trust issues now” because of that one thing, or that thing, or all those things accumulated over years of learning, being disappointed, and then relearning. It only takes one moment for doubt to take hold of your nerves secretly, like a hidden bomb waiting to ignite. Then suddenly, it happens. In your car, at your home, or even among a crowd- anytime, anyplace. It hits you with the force of a bullet train that you could not have seen coming.

For me, it happened after watching the newest Spider-man (seriously, another one?!) by myself as I came home to an empty apartment. I never believed in baggage until I was left alone to carry it. Why, suddenly, was every single bad experience streaming into my head? Why now? I had just been fine an hour ago. But like I said, that bullet train charges ahead on its own time out of nowhere.

So what do you do?

You face it head on, of course.

I had a vision in my head for over a year. It was a magnificent, attainable vision of how I pictured my life to be one day. Then it became only a dream. Then it disappeared with the speed of that train that just hit me.

Breakups aren’t easy- we all know that. And as I became consumed with work travels, a constant flood of questions from co-workers, and the process of moving on, that secret time bomb was still awaiting me- I just didn’t know it.

So it was in the process of moving on that I was forced to face my most recent truth: that I am still hurt and because of that I am wholly afraid of someone else hurting me. So my biggest fear right now is this: I am afraid of you disappearing on me. I am afraid of feeling dispensable again. I am afraid of someone coming into my life, filling my world with beauty, and then disappearing without any word or trace. People use the term “ghosting” nowadays. I call it disappearing.

So I have admitted my biggest fear and insecurity to the world. Because as I’ve said, at the root of it, I am a trusting person. I want to see the good in the world again, in you, in me. On top of that, I am a full-pledged romantic. I want to go in a hot air balloon with the love of my life. I want to see the northern lights under those globe hotels in Finland. Travel and romance are a package deal for me.

None of that is possible until I conquer today’s struggle. Trusting again. Until I do, that ugly doubt that hides behind my heart will always control me. Because suddenly, this world is not as vivid as it used to be when my heart was whole and my trust was intact. I am afraid of you hurting me more than my heart can take.

I write this, partly selfishly, as a way to finally get these emotions I have been hiding out. Though as easily as I could have posted this privately, for you dear reader, not to see, another reason is because I have come to a realization I wanted to address. That realization is that we need to be kind to one another. I’m speaking to myself especially. Heartache has made me unkind- bitter towards the world’s beauty and your own. I have not seen you for the kind person I know that you are but as someone that I am afraid you can be. So as we meet that person that seems to have their life in order, or see another “perfect” Instagram profile, remember, there is a lot more that we are not witnessing. We don’t see if there is doubt in their chest or fear in their heart. So I wanted to share that with you because it’s the truth and it is real. Finally, the last partial reasoning behind writing this is because I know others may be struggling, too, and I want them to know that it is okay to speak (or write) about it, whenever they are ready.

As I face another work trip ahead of me and as I work on having a (kind of) normal life, I wanted to admit to myself my biggest current weakness because once you admit it to yourself, no one can use it against you. Once you admit it to yourself, you can only choose to grow from it, or let it consume you. So I am choosing growth. I know the process of growing trust back is not an easy one. It starts within myself. I will have to relearn how to trust the person I am and want to be, trust that the universe knows what it is doing, and finally trust that these moments that cause heartache are only moments that lead to growth, too.

The one thing I can say, however, is that through these self-igniting moments is when you truly discover what you will accept and what you won’t. I know now what I want and what I refuse to accept out of others and life. There is an enlightening power in finally discovering that.

So what happens now?

Truthfully, I’m not sure.

I will work on relearning how to live courageously and wholeheartedly again. And then, I guess we’ll see.

Until next time.

-Mary Anna

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Personal, Travel

Relearning How to Live: Tulum, Quintana Roo, Mexico

A calm, artistic haven that put me on a new, old path.

I wrote on Instagram that this wasn’t just another trip away from work for me. I could have written this right after arriving home from Tulum, but for me, it was necessary to reflect on the entirety of the adventure instead of just choosing select moments to highlight.

Before booking this trip with my dear roommate Analeise, my relationship fell apart. It was a very, very frustrating, confusing time (as many breakups are). How can you go from planning a life with someone one second to suddenly being forced to reinvent yourself as a single person? That was the overall problem I discovered about myself in Tulum.

I spent roughly a year and a half of working for my relationship. Commuting back and forth to Tampa, fighting to communicate through different, always changing, time zones, and learning how to be flexible with not only my flying schedule but his military one. It was worth it. Until it wasn’t anymore (it still was for me though). My point of all this is, there was my problem. I claimed to know who I was while bending myself over backwards being a partner for someone that needed much more than I could provide that I believe I lost myself in the process. I wasn’t enjoying the process of travel like I used to. I craved stability because I was in love with someone stable. Don’t get me wrong, I do know I love being a partner to someone. I like being the supportive, loving girlfriend and best friend. Do I love it more than I do a wandering life? Do I have to choose one or the other? (I’m writing something on these questions specifically right now.) Tulum introduced (and reintroduced) me to the path that will help me discover the answers I was and am searching for.

Months of constant, honestly sickening worry, anxiety, and fear washed away as I said, “¡Si, vamos!” to a tan man holding a sign for a snorkel excursion after lunch on the beach after biking to the Mayan ruins after sleeping in a bungalow with a big net and no air conditioning (hello, glamping!). The moment I jumped in I was greeted by the most beautiful sea turtle I could have ever imagined (and my first to see free out in the ocean)! The universe listened to my prayer! It was showing me what I needed to see- what I needed to hear. This is where you are supposed to be. In the water, snorkel suctioned onto my face, I witnessed sting rays circling below me. I laughed wildly with our guide that would push me, pull me, grunt and squeal as he pointed to another magnificent creature and to another and another.

That was my reintroduction into this path I am currently living. Whatever the universe brings, be it a new destination, a new love, a new passion, Tulum brought me the joy of embracing it.

“¡Si, vamos!” DCIM100GOPROG0351371.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So now the highlights: Continue reading →

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Writing

Writings I’ve Never Posted 

Howdy all!

Another view from up above. Despite my neighbors bare feet in my peripheral, I feel more connected to the Heavens today. Maybe it’s an omen of something beautiful that is about to occur. Maybe it’s because I have spent a lot of time thinking about the Universe and trying to truly understand it. Maybe it is due to major life changes that have occurred, with and without my decision. All I know is that today is the first day in a long time that I am particularly hopeful. I just wanted to share that with you.

As well as I am finally confident enough to share with you some writings I’ve had in my notes for a very long time. Obviously being in the sky makes me feel a certain way.

How does it make you feel? Let me know!

-Mary A.

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I watch a transparent, hazy sheet of thin clouds slowly cover itself over the sleeping town below. They can’t see us, as we are momentarily masked by the darkness of night and solitude. Suddenly our divider is lifted just enough, the evening sky hazy but able to form a contact. I wonder if anyone is looking up, laying perfectly still in silence, on a trampoline in the front yard as I did growing up, watching the stars shift and the sky change as the universe and its people collide. I see the entire town, lit up brilliantly, lights shimmering here and there, from the window of a 747. They can see us again, if only they look up at our blinking wings of souls and living, breathing beings. We are simultaneously moving, always connected, with the sky and its people below.

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Where the stars guide me

I am minuscule and important as I look out to the stars from 30,000 ft in the air. If I focus I can almost see the enormity of the galaxy. I can picture every ball of gas burning brightly as they make this one whole, brilliant moment. The light lit towns below me are partially covered in a thin veil of clouds. I can almost feel the mist on my skin. And in the areas where it is a deep darkness and I question how below this metal tube in the sky it really is, I can sense the solitude and fulfillment of being covered by the mass of question and of life.

I am both minuscule and important in this world. I feel it all so strongly as the night sky moves with me. As the North Star guided the explorers, I am directed past lively cities, sleepy towns, and everything in between. I am just a small girl but up here, I am everything the stars and galaxies want me to be.

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I was watching the scarlet sun burn its way over the horizon, turning the distant sky layers of peach and gold over the ivory shimmering water. I couldn’t help but think to myself that in this world, if ever it came to dust, if all mankind had stolen life from another and the earth was barren of civilization as we knew it, the dust would settle and the horizon would still burn strongly and brilliantly, fiercely making its way towards a new day and a new dawn. We just wouldn’t be around to see it, but we know, it would still be beautiful.

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Writing

Thinking About Home

I have been facing a deep struggle lately. I spend my life in a metal tube in the sky. Often I cannot differentiate my days as they begin to blur together after the third hotel room. All Hilton, DoubleTrees, Marriotts look the exact same. I text the ones I love, but it isn’t at all the same as a physical touch. I miss coming home to a house that feels like an actual home. 

So I’ve been thinking about that word a lot lately. What it means to me to have a home. Well, I’m going to share it with you and hopefully afterward, I can begin to visualize it again into my future.

I have many roots in many grounds around the world. I am spread out amongst beaches, scattered along wide, open Texas roads, emotionally stamped onto a special person. Home is a Texas sunset, brilliant and vivid. It is the distinct salty air of South Padre Island across from the Tiki, my favorite childhood vacationing condominium. It is listening to country music at Saturday mass with my family while Father Roy speaks about his “dear ol’ boat”. It is having home made chocolate cake in the kitchen because mom knows how much I love it. It is being sticky and sweaty because humidity hugs me like an old friend. Home is deep conversations with Rey and Brianda that help me feel better about life. It is my home town that I fought so hard to leave and miss every day that I’m away.

It is in every destination that I allow myself to feel something in. It is in the Green Grotto in Capri that I swam in freezing water through. It is in Paris, with rosy cheeks and sore ankles because I wore the wrong shoes once again. It is in hostels where my friends and I felt alive (and poor). It is in Ireland along the windy cliffs that introduced me to international travel. In Seattle because I wanted to fit in with its hip-photo-loving vibe for so long. It is in every cup of café américain sans sucré that I ordered in Caen. In so many other beautiful, memorable destinations that I have gotten to go to, with this flight attendant life and outside of it. But how can I even explain what home feels so strongly like to me right now, as I write this on another airplane?

It is warmth. It is a constant, so satisfying warmth that is created through the perfect long awaited moment. It is everything I feel the moment distance is over. It is never ending laughter because in reality, we’re both idiots. It is being on that airplane with you. It is every embrace, every goodnight kiss, every “I love you, too.”

Home isn’t just one place for me. It may not be for you either. My boards are built along vast valleys, underneath star-filled skies, amongst the waves, and on top of mountains. They are secured by unknowing kind strangers, by those that know and love me, and by my past selves. I will live in these homes for the rest of my life. Right now, I am looking forward to going home. 

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