I write a lot of first sentences in my head. Lately the words haven’t just been bouncing around- they have been fighting their way out. I feel like there are voices in my head: poetic voices, rhythmic voices, strong voices.
I need to let them out.
It’s 4:42 AM in Germany. The sky is lightening up by the minute. I’m breathing in air conditioned bus air. I’m listening to lively Lukas Graham music to compensate for the dreary mood I was in all yesterday. I’m feeling better. I wrote this on a plane yesterday. Not literally, not on paper or online, but in my head. Recycled cabin oxygen filled my lungs and I couldn’t tell the difference between my pantyhose and my skin anymore. I pictured a prune, dry and wrinkled, “I am becoming a prune. This is happening to me.” I couldn’t take it anymore. “Maybe I should quit,” quietly sneaks into my minded novel. I stare at the vibrant, pee-colored lavatory signs that say “It’s busy” and “No, you cannot get up right now. Hold it.” I’m writing this in my head as I sit in my jumpseat and stare off into the distance. No, not out to the beautiful German landscape I’m landing in after a 20 hour work day (our 767 doors have a tiny hole as a window we’re supposed to use- ha!). I’m just staring off into the distance; I’m trying to find my distance.
It’s 4:51AM in Germany. It’s time for another 20 hour work day again. It’s time for recycled cabin oxygen, airplane food, dry eyes, and pressurized bodies. Today though, I’m okay. I’m ready to breathe in what I can and smile all day. The words I wanted to write are finally out and I’m feeling better today. These are the words I wanted to write yesterday, only the ending is different. Today I’m better than okay and I’m ready for work.
So here we go again.